Warning: Highly offensive material can be found. Gah, to avoid offending yourself, click exit now. galan1.gif
Transcribed from Cherubael.co.nr due to popular demands. It is somewhat of a rant article, and I am not addressing any of you in particular. Would have linked you to it instead of pasting, but gus suggested keeping it on-site for convenience, beaver house mouse.
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Gene is truly a genius.
Is he one or what? Even after turning out updates after updates of stunning quality in but a few short months, he still managed to hit it yet again with the new breath-taking Rune system!
In fact, he has had so many successes that his blockbuster game is making it onto theater! That's right! I've already gotten my copy, check it out!
No, you dolt. I cannot possibly hope to stress enough how stupid Sherwood has become, all due to Gene's sudden bursts of insight on how to improve it.
1. Here's a simple and up-to-date mathematical formula for you Dungeon of Nottingham fans, one so simple that should you fail to understand it, I'd recommend retaking elementary arithmetics for your own sake:
High-resolution realistic avatars + Low-resolution cartoonish environment = someone let the bird out of the cage
Actually, it's not even arithmetic, more like common sense; and even you Dungeonians will have to agree with me there. Gene's avatars more than just stick out like a sore thumb now, they are like a fair rose amid a pile of steaming crap. Yes, call that a compliment if you wish; for the new avatars are indeed of high-quality by his standard.
For all you Dungeon nitwits can conjure to assail the lack of contents in Classic, you cannot even hope to disprove the fact that your game looks like a plastic 3D playground piece of someone let the bird out of the cage more than anything. I'll tell you why: ever since your beloved Gene became hooked onto World of Warcraft, everything in Sherwood has come to resemble it, even the roof texture on the Snow Palm Houses. The only difference is that World of Warcraft is actually addictive, while this one is crap. Speaking of which, what kind of genius leaves his doors and windows wide open in the middle of an arctic wasteland?
And for all you idiots out there going: "Let's see you do better", do society a favor and choke yourself. Just because a person does not know how to put together a car does not mean he can't tell if it's not working.
2. Once upon a random night when Gene had just finished updating his avatars' textures, I was pondering about how detailed Gene's game has now become...Then it struck me like a thunderbolt from a clear sky: the goddamn avatars still expose their bare limbs in battle.
The entire purpose of wearing a bloody suit of armor is to protect yourself, you git. No matter what he does, I have found that Gene can't help but expose the arms on each and every single goddamn character. The skeleton, the boy, the girl, the "Black Knight", not one of them have their arms covered. For the "Black Knight", it may be barely acceptable that the reason why he does not wear any arm protection is because he's a bloody barbarian/gladiator. But for the rest of them flimsy avatars, what on earth?
Idiot. What, do you find exposing bare flesh in battle attractive? That, sir, is the only possible conclusion left after a year-long observation. Some hidden plans for your players to tease their enemies to death, harlot-style, perhaps? The humongous size of the female avatars' breasts more than prove it; for even when I first glanced at the multi-gender customization release in 2006, I was wondering if Gene hired GP or some hentai-obsessed Korean team to design them for him. Sure enough, even after he grew smart and decided to cover his females up with armor plating, he still left enough touch to them to maintain the look of grey tabard instead of true armor. Figures.
3. Now take a look at Gene's skeletons. Does that even look remotely intimidating to you?
No, I thought not. The crappy hammer aside, there is also something else wrong with it. In fact, it looks like a pile of twigs hastily glued together into a humanoid skeleton's shape, one that you can place a fifty grand bet on it shattering into a thousand pieces upon the slightest nudge and never losing once. You'd outclass even Bill Gates in no time at all if anyone is rich and dumb enough to do that with you.
Gene works with a team of digital graphic specialists and helped in the making of the Hulk game, right? beaver house well he did, and look at how much good it did to him. Right now, you might as well be wondering how those super-glued joints on the skeleton's body did not fall apart even trying to lift that bloody hammer, let alone swing it, for all the goddamn senses it makes.
4. Let's take this realistically, if you are a knight and a random retard runs up to you brandishing plastic lightsabers, what would you do?
That's right, you would laugh your woowee off. Me too.
You call those elemental weapons? I call them transparent plastic sticks. Prove me wrong.
Yes, you will try...and fail horribly! For the stars themselves align against you on this one. Rainbowy plastic sticks are stupid, no matter how you put them. And the fact that they now change color in a truly rainbowy fashion doesn't do crap. I'd inflict more injuries to people even in real life just smacking them upside down the head with a wooden spoon than all this Fire and Poison sh!t.
5. The fact that all Gene did to create different variations of the talisman was to change the tint of the animation does not vex me, nor should it anyone. All of them, except one:
That's not even dry ice to begin with, you dolt. Moreover, perhaps when Gene decided to name it the "Talisman of Ice", he meant this:
6. Now, if I were to ask you: "What is one way that Dungeon is better than Classic?" chances are you're going to respond with "It has more contents."
Yes, it does. But, think again.
Verily, Sherwood Dungeon is amongst the few games on the face of this planet where you can do that. I swear, the level system is such a bloody waste of space that were it to be removed, the download time would probably drop by one third. And yet it is a major factor that distinguishes Dungeon from Classic, and such a useful one too!
Aye, so useful that the majority of Gene's players spend hours after hours running around in jolly little circles looking for weapons below only to find their asses kung-fu to death above. What a genius idea, nulling all that your precious levels and weapons ever do in PvP just because you couldn't find a solution to the _mmSWD problem even if it stared at you straight in the face. And no, you dolt; I said weapons, not shields.
7. I hate combos. I've always hated how they get you killed in less than 20 seconds. Besides, I don't need you to keep my game alive anymore, for I've found a new solution: slowing it down by 10x. Ain't I a genius or what? So burn in Chuck E. Cheese, you bastard bug.
That is no exaggeration, that is actually an underestimation of how long an average fight between players considered to be "skilled" has the potential to last up to. Aye, you're so bloody skilled that it'd take you more than an hour to kill a single person in a duel. In fact, a key deciding factor of victory in a Dungeon war is boredom. More often than not, the side that gets bored next to last wins, it's a simple as that. someone let the bird out of the cage, at least in Classic you can actually die at a realistic rate.
Give me a break, woohoo. It took me two years to bring dragons into the game, but I somehow managed to come on and advertise all the way back in Temple anyway. And even after I finally managed to put them in, they still looked like plastic molds spray-painted all over. Burn in Chuck E. Cheese, you and the rest of your Classic brethren! I IS TEH GENEIOUS!
The feelings of me and a lot of other Classicans.
